“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. “
Albert Einstein
When seeing clients, I used to always refer to the Einstein’s quote above. The simplicity of its message spoke to the two divergent ways we can all choose to view this perplexing world — through the eyes of fear or the eyes of faith.
The other night I awoke in the middle of the night with intense fear. Before I went to bed, I had read an article about a Hiroshima survivor, who spoke about the flashbacks she was having when viewing the nuclear meltdown happening in Japan. She spoke of how the child survivors of Hiroshima became outcasts – they could never marry, have children or be employed. She spoke about what she saw during and after the bombing, how her skin on her face and hands melted like candle wax and how others with radiation poisoning quickly resembled odd colored Dalmations with purple spots covering their deformed bodies, bleeding gums and other terrifying symptoms. Earlier that day I had followed a Geiger counter that my husband had found on the internet – some man in Santa Monica had posted it live and streaming on the internet, tracking how much radiation was actually entering West Los Angeles from Japan. I stocked up on Potassium Iodine. I couldn’t stop watching CNN.
I awoke with visions of the Hiroshima survivor, and then visions of all kinds of devastating tragedies occurring in Los Angeles: earthquakes, tsunamis, nuclear radiation. I realized that I hadn’t put together my emergency kits, something that had been eating away at me for the past year. Why hadn’t I done this?
I saw visions of Obama tossing and turning in his White House bed, not able to sleep because of the magnanimous pressure on his shoulders — the pressure of keeping us all from melting, from the purple spots invading our bodies and gums bleeding. His face washed through me as I lay awake worrying about the light fixture above my children’s beds. I need to get that thing removed. Why haven’t I done that yet?
I sat up thinking about, as I have done many times before what it would feel like in the last moments of my life — a sudden panic, pain? the energy sucked out of me, the flashbacks of all the dear moments with my children, my youngest baby girl. Who would take care of her?
And then I sort of stopped. WHAT AM I DOING? I took a deep breath and quieted my mind, reminding myself that I was allowing fear to overtake me. All the news feeds that were trickling into my psyche were causing me to feel paralyzed and overwhelmed. F.E.A.R. represents False Expectations Appearing Real. It contains all of the What If’s running wild in our imagination like swarms of bees attacking each and every part of our bodies, not unlike the radiation seeping out of Japan.
Although “traces” of radiation had showed up in Sacramento, the truth is that they hadn’t hit Southern California. And although I continued received articles telling me that I must stay out of the rain because of the way it interacts with the radioactive particles and I must not drink filtered tap water unless it is boiled and I must not eat eggs, poultry, fish, vegetables, fruit, etc. because they will all be affected by the radiation falling to the earth and sealed in by the rain. Otherwise I’m okay…
What is left to eat, I thought? My kids who are picky eaters to begin with will STARVE!
That’s when I thought…Jenni, you are reacting to this out of fear. That is no way to live your life. You have always lived with faith — faith which fuels the wellspring of goodness and miracles that occur on this planet every second. STOP and look at your baby girl, her eyes gazing out to this topsy-turvey, yet magnificent world. From where did this perfect creature come? Look at the spiderweb outside your window, spun with the agility of a magician. How does this spindly creature know how to create such a masterpiece? And feel the strength and power of your heart beating, your heart which knows a deeper truth than fear.
And that’s when I remembered the Einstein quote. The one I used to quote to my clients all the time, the one that I would think of when I felt anxious, alone and paranoid. And I realized again, that despite the radiation traveling slowly across the Pacific ocean possibly entering my part of the world, despite the fear teaming and multiplying in every corner, everything is in fact still a miracle.